Feb/Mar 2026 Aspire Magazine FULL Issue | Page 94

Now before we move onto the antidotes to over-providing, I’ ll address the idea that overproviding at work is the only way to succeed.

But what research actually shows is the people who have the highest impact link authentic regard for others’ interests – coworkers, customers, colleagues- while also taking care of their own interests. In other words, they don’ t abandon their own desires, they tend both.

Wharton professor Adam Grant, author Give & Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success, calls this“ otherish giving.” Yes, this applies to clients, customers, and especially, children. Okay, hopefully I’ ve convinced you, at least a little, that over-providing is not the best choice for your health, your career, or your sanity. Now what to do?

TRY ONE OR TWO( NO MORE!) OF THESE SIMPLE BALANCING ANTIDOTES:

• Write down everything you do for others in a 24-hour period. This is far harder than it seems. If you have a lot of resistance, you may be deeply identified with over-providing as in“ This is what makes me me!” or you may be so exhausted by over-doing that you need a nap. Either way, notice why you refuse to do this.

• Start the day with five minutes of extravagant self-praise. Read emails extolling your amazing virtues, recall compliments in vivid detail, shower gratitude on yourself for specific things you did or didn’ t do( I tell myself“ Hey, good on you for not having any gluten at the party!”). Imagine this praise in the form of hummingbirds streaming into the back of your heart.

• Navigate by desire. Make a practice of asking,“ What do I want?” or“ What would I really love to do here?” before saying yes to something. Learning to know what you want, even if you can’ t have it, is a life changing practice and one I teach in more depth in my book, The Life Organizer.

• Deputize a few beloveds to check in with before you say yes to something else. My husband Bob and my Brain Trust( my mastermind group) must hear from me before I commit to a project or a teaching gig. I might still say yes even if they counsel no but at least I stopped long enough to make my case. Hearing yourself try to talk yourself into something can be pretty enlightening.