93
HERE ARE A FEW OF OUR COMPELLING REASONS:
• You were raised in a culture that still proclaims good women give endlessly and good men provide.
• Your biology – humans are hard-wired to belong. Over-providing keeps you in the tribe.
Also, over-providing can be very difficult to recognize. Your family of origin, your religious background, even where you work, can give you strong messages about how much to give. Most of us believe, at least a little, that we are worthwhile for what we do, not who we are. Because it’ s tricky to know when you are over-providing, it’ s good to know some of the signs to help you wake up to when it might be happening.
SIGNS LIKE:
HEALTH & WELLNESS
• You’ re empathetic. You care. You want to help. How to determine how much is enough?
• You may believe what you want to give isn’ t worthwhile enough( whether that’ s your ideas or your presence or your love) so you gush like a broken fire hydrant lots of other things – money, meals, advice, time- to make up for what you lack.
• You might forget you’ re a human with human limits of time and energy, easy to do in these uber speedy times.
• Perhaps, in the past, over-providing kept you safe from harm.
• You haven’ t learned( yet) to trust your self, to trust your body and heart when it says,“ Enough”.
• A hollow feeling of never getting enough done
• Overly focused on what others think of you
• A jittery compulsion to fix people’ s pain, to do something to make it better
• Feeling lonely even when you have friends and family around
• Doubting other’ s intentions-“ They only love me because I do so much for them”
• Resentment – everybody else gets what they want but you
• Frustrated and paralyzed, feeling like you go around and around in a circle on your own dreams and desires.
• Hearing yourself say things like“ When I finish ____ then I will” and“ I just had to do ____ for _____ who else would?” and“ If I don’ t do ______ I will be a big failure, get fired and end up homeless and …”
93