Feb/Mar 2026 Aspire Magazine FULL Issue | Page 74

• We are considerate of others’ wants and needs without giving ourselves up.

• We support others in doing what brings them joy, even when they are not doing what we want them to do.

• We show caring toward others for the joy it give us to care, rather than out of fear, obligation or guilt.

• We have the courage to take loving action in our own behalf, even if someone gets angry with us. For example, you go to bed early because you are tired, even if your partner gets angry at you for not watching a movie with him or her.

• We have the courage to speak our truth about what we will or will not do, and what we do or do not feel, rather than give ourselves up to avoid criticism, anger or rejection.

Giving ourselves up to avoid being called selfish is not self-responsible and self-caring – it is manipulative and dishonest.

Taking sacred, loving care of ourselves, with no intent to harm another is self-responsible.

But how often have you been called“ selfish” when you took care of yourself? For example, Tammy had signed up to take one of my Inner Bonding weekend workshops and was really looking forward to it. She let her husband, Frank, and her two children know weeks before the workshop that she was going, and that it was important to her.

The day before the workshop Frank was given four great tickets to a basketball game. He wanted Tammy to go with him the next day, which was the first day of the workshop. When she said no, he got angry at her and told her she was selfish for doing what she wanted to do rather than spending the time with the family. Tammy came to the workshop with much to work on!

In reality, it was Frank who was being selfish in expecting Tammy to give herself up and do what he wanted her to do rather than what was really important to her. He was not

When we give ourselves up to avoid criticism, we are trying to control how another feels about us.