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bad and selfish. When parents teach this to their children, it has nothing to do with supporting their children’ s highest good. It is purely about wanting to control their children into doing what the parents want them to do. When parents do this, they are the ones being selfish, while telling their children that they are the selfish ones when they don’ t do what the parents want. Very crazy-making!
Some of us were raised by a self-centered, narcissistic parent who, instead of supporting us in learning to take care of ourselves and discovering what brings us joy, expected us to give ourselves up and take care of him or her. When we didn’ t do what they wanted us to do, they called us selfish. As a result, many people have an inaccurate definition of“ selfish,” so let’ s talk about what it means to be selfish and what it means to be selfresponsible.
• We consistently make our own feelings, wants, needs and desires important without also considering others feelings, wants, needs and desires.
• We don’ t consider the effect our behavior has on others.
• We believe we are entitled to special treatment, such as not having to wait in line.
We are being self-responsible and loving ourselves when:
• We take care of our own feeling, wants, desires and needs rather than expecting others to take care of us.
• We do what brings us joy with no intent to harm another, even if another person doesn’ t like it.
We are being selfish when:
• We expect others to give themselves up for us and do what we want them to do, rather than do what brings them joy or is in their highest good.
• We keep drawing a conversation back to ourselves rather than listening to and caring about what someone else is saying.
• We punish others when they think and feel differently than we do.
• We harm others for our own ends
• We make others responsible for our feelings of pain and joy.
• We get angry at others for doing what they want to do rather than doing what we want them to do.
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