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FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS
When these two Demand Relationship dynamics( blame and don’ t be the loser) collide, it creates a very common invisible pattern in human dynamics.
One: I can’ t be wrong because I can’ t be the loser here.
Two: It’ s your fault, so you are to blame.
Three: You lose( if you’ re to blame, you lose).
Finding who is to blame and“ pointing the finger” to clear ourselves from being wrong gives us a false sense of certainty, control, and comfort. It also simultaneously leaves us stuck in a hole we put ourselves in, secretly hoping for someone to help us get out of it.
Principle: In real human life, nothing gets better for you when you declare someone else the loser by blaming them.( Read that again)
What Actually Does Work?
The Relationship Development ® Paradigm approach is to take the path of personal responsibility, instead of blame. Now, before you freak out, give me a minute to define what personal responsibility actually is, because the meaning applied today by most people is incorrect in this relationship context. When I say personal responsibility, it means I’ m personally taking the responsibility of solving this.
Principle: Personal Responsibility DOES NOT equal fault.
Taking personal responsibility does not mean that I say it is my fault. Personal responsibility is not self-blame either. One more time: personal responsibility does not equal fault!
The Demand Relationship conditioning runs pretty deep here. Most humans have Demand Relationship wiring in their blueprint that says
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