Dec 25/Jan26 Aspire Magazine FULL Issue | Page 90

And that’ s why you feel stuck( let that sink in for a moment). The invisible destruction starts the minute we point that finger in blame. In that moment, we are rendering ourselves powerless to transform the situation.

Let’ s take a few common example statements to demonstrate this dynamic:

“ I can’ t even talk to him when he’ s so inconsiderate to me all the time.”

“ It’ s not like anything can change when she keeps punishing me for things I didn’ t even do.”

“ I’ m not the one who broke the trust in this relationship. I don’ t know what you want me to say. I can’ t trust that they won’ t do this again.”

The Symptom of Blame: Trying to Get Them to Change

In every one of those very common dynamics, the speaker has rendered themselves powerless and feels stuck because they cannot get the other person to change. They are blaming the other person and waiting for the other person to fix the problem for them. I know this may be tough to see or take in at first, so please give me a moment to explain. This Demand Relationship conditioning runs very deep.

As a society, we have been heavily conditioned to“ not be wrong,”“ do not lose,” and“ win at all costs.” But even more so than winning, don’ t be the loser.

We have also been conditioned to believe that the person who is blamed is the loser. Meaning, if it’ s not my fault, then I’ m not going to be the one who loses here.