Aspire Magazine: Inspiration for a Woman's Soul.(TM) Oct/Nov2019 Aspire Magazine | Page 63

False!!! No matter what you have been told before, you “pleasing” everyone is NEVER going to create amazing relationships. It can’t possibly! Because, when you are just being “nice” and sucking it up, you are miserable and not being your authentic self. Listen, you cannot possibly have an UNSHAKEABLE love when you are miserable and not being your authentic self. It’s a LIE that you need to be nice, suck it up, stay quiet and make everyone else happy. I know, this has been taught to us for generations. We have all been conditioned to be the Non-Power Player in Demand Relationship. (If you missed my column on Demand Relationship click here to read.) Whether you are the Power Player (making the demands) or the Non Power Player (doing the pleasing) in Demand Relationship... Demand Relationship always leads to the break DOWN of the relationship. So STOP pleasing! Before you get all “I’m gonna stop pleasing everyone and finally speak out and get things my way now”...hold on a minute. When you give up being the Non-Power Player (pleaser), please do not make the mistake of just switching into the Power Player (Demander) role. Because that breaks down your relationships just as fast. The solution is to STOP doing Demand Relationship (the win-lose) and start learning the Relationship Development® (win- win) tools and strategies to build up your relationship. Start learning how to create a win-win result in any relationship situation! It is absolutely possible, we do this every day around here. LIE #2: If my partner doesn’t do this work with me, I have to do all the work and they get to do NOTHING and I have to settle for them never changing. You may think... • They won’t have to change and I have to change everything. • If they don’t care and I do, then I’m the loser, weak, needy etc… • I’ll do “X” but only if they do “Y”. Guess what? When you go first with Relationship Development, your partner will change. Because in a relationship, it’s a closed loop. You and your partner have been showing up in a certain way that both of you know exactly what to expect from each other. Showing up differently will trigger them to respond differently because you put something else into the loop. When you keep showing up differently, you get a new result from this closed loop! Now, you may want your partner to do this work with you to prove that you matter out of your own fear that you don’t matter or your own worry that your relationship is 63 LIE #1: In order for relationships to work, you just have to be nice, suck it up, stay quiet and make everyone else happy.