Aspire Magazine: Inspiration for a Woman's Soul.(TM) Jun/July 2019 Aspire Magazine FULL Issue | Page 73

change something about yourself, everyone else has the same prerogative. FORGIVENESS When contemplating whether to forgive or not forgive, base your decision on whether it will help you. Forgiving does not mean you condone or excuse the behavior. It does not mean you need to let the person know you forgive him or her. And it doesn’t mean you are going to forget what happened and will not have feelings about it. It means you have found your own personal way in which to accept the reality of what happened, to let go, manage its impact on your life, and move forward. Forgiving is entirely up to you, and you should do it if it feels right and will be helpful to you. BEING VULNERABLE One of the underpinnings of what makes us feel vulnerable in romantic relationships is the idea that we are not good enough or worthy enough. It is critical that you banish this idea from your mind and repeat to yourself daily that you are enough and that you are worthy. You must always be looking You are in no way required to be vulnerable to anyone who has not earned the right to receive it. It happens slowly and gradually as the building blocks get stacked in a mutual relationship (with anyone — romantic or platonic). As your sense of safety and your trust grow, vulnerability will follow. SOME FINAL THOUGHTS Finding love—a peaceful, secure love—is one of the most awesome and rewarding experiences you can have during your life- time. However, many of us do not understand how to find it or, worse, find ourselves in repetitive, painful patterns in our search for love. When we find ourselves in such a place, we try our best to make it better, make changes, or do things differently. Yet we often don’t know how or even why we keep finding ourselves in these spots again and again. We wander aimlessly in our search for solutions. Finding love is a fallible endeavor. Love itself is far from perfect, and it is not the cure for all your troubles. Even if you have found “the one,” you will have some ups and downs, some bumps in the road to navigate. This is why you want to choose your partner carefully. You want someone who won’t bail or fall apart when the bumps are hit, especially if you have chosen to commit to this person. Love requires vulnerability, risk-taking, and a tolerance for uncertainty. The person you have chosen to love (and who has chosen 73 When you stop trying to control someone else, you empower yourself in ways you may not have expected. You can shift that energy onto something that is changeable. In some situations, you may begin to recognize aspects of yourself that you wish to change instead. You will no longer be deflecting outward but looking inward. When you stop controlling others, you will likely start focusing on what the actual problem is (and it won’t be what you thought it was) and find that you can effectively solve it. for the proof, however small, that this is true. We tend to do the opposite, and it’s not the least bit helpful to our human spirits and souls.