As a result we can end up feeling disempowered or even worse hopeless to create the changes we desire. Here is where self-compassion comes in. When we choose to be understanding and kind to ourselves instead of beating ourselves up, we transform our self-criticism and judgment into self-acceptance and love, which allows space for true change to occur.

One important component of selfcompassion is that it offers us an opportunity to acknowledge our own suffering. As humans we have a fundamental need to have our feelings and experiences affirmed and acknowledged but so much of the time we feel unheard and misunderstood instead. Self-compassion allows us to get to the root of our experience by looking first at how we feel. When we meet ourselves there with kindness and love, we can then take the next steps to take care of our suffering. Another critical aspect of self-compassion is that it allows us to know we are not alone. When we respond with kindness to ourselves when we are suffering, it opens us up to our essential humanness and the understanding that others suffer like us too. Through this recognition we no longer feel so isolated and think there is something inherently wrong with us. Instead we are able to see our common life experience connecting us to others, which in itself can be healing and transformative.

When we choose to respond to our failure with self-compassion and loving kindness, we are much more likely to learn from our experiences and find ways to create positive change in our lives. No sustainable change comes from feeling ashamed. Shame taps us into a feeling of lack and unworthiness, which fuels our defensiveness and

inflexibility to adapt or adjust. To cultivate healthy change we need to connect with the essential goodness within us and have that be our inspiration to make positive nurturing changes in our lives.

Another gift of self-compassion is selfawareness. As we approach our lives with more curiosity and non-judgment rather than guilt and shame, we become more and more mindful in our lives. Knowing that we are human, that we are going to make mistakes and that we will be able to learn from our challenges allows us to respond less defensively when we do make a mistake and see the experience as important to our growth. Our failed resolutions then highlight areas to find more support and encouragement for in our lives, truly an opportunity to nurture our selves more deeply.

I love the perspective of self-compassion that expert Kristin Neff shares:

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