Have you ever considered how best to support someone when they’ re struggling?
1. They Don’ t Want to Be Fixed
2. Keeping Busy Doesn’ t Make Their Pain Go Away
3. Replacing a Loss Doesn’ t Lessen Their Pain
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love when we step forward to help, but we don’ t always understand the most helpful ways to show up, nurture, and support them.
Have you ever considered how best to support someone when they’ re struggling?
Most of us feel helpless and want to“ fix” others’ pain because we don’ t like seeing them suffering. We may also feel uncomfortable because seeing others hurting reminds us of the unresolved pain that’ s left unhealed inside of us.
Without the proper tools, we frantically use what we know to“ make it better,” which is often the opposite of what our loved ones need most.
Here are some important points to consider when supporting those you love through emotional pain and grief:
1. They Don’ t Want to Be Fixed
We all want to feel better when we’ re hurting, but we don’ t want to feel broken as if we need fixing. What we need is to have our experience validated by those around us.
Encourage your loved ones to be emotionally honest about what’ s coming up for them.
•“ I’ m here to listen if you’ d like to share how you’ re feeling.”
2. Keeping Busy Doesn’ t Make Their Pain Go Away
Many of us encourage our loved ones to distract themselves from their pain. While staying busy can feel helpful in the short term, it doesn’ t address the pain or provide the deeper healing that’ s needed. Include loved ones in your plans, but remind yourself that distraction won’ t make the pain disappear— it will remind them they’ re loved and supported.
• •“ Would going to a movie, dinner, or ________ be helpful to you right now?”
3. Replacing a Loss Doesn’ t Lessen Their Pain
After a breakup or significant loss, wellmeaning people often say things like,“ There are other fish in the sea.” While technically true, this kind of statement only deepens the hurt. Healing doesn’ t come from replacing what’ s lost— it comes from processing and honoring the pain. Without healing, we carry
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