Oct/Nov 2023 Aspire Magazine FULL Issue | Page 60

Strong and healthy stepfamilies understand that some roles , like being the parent , stay the same , others , like who drives the kids to activities , shift , and new ones , being a stepparent , are created . Stepparenting is a time were being flexible and patient is important . No one is born knowing how to parent or stepparent . Kids need time to adapt in having another adult in the home .

Try on different roles , such as being a mentor , a role model , a parent , an adviser , a friend .

When everyone understands what their roles are in the family , allow time and space to make mistakes and move forward . Focus on getting to know one another , then like each other to allow trust to emerge .

Strong and healthy stepfamilies know that having boundaries helps to create a strong sense of security for all . Boundaries are about having everyone in the family recognize and identify what ’ s OK and what ’ s not OK within the family . This is especially important to stepfamilies as how we function as a family is often different from what as customary from the previous relationship .

Some of our behaviors and habits might have been fine with our nuclear family but not so with our stepfamily . Take the time to talk about what is acceptable behaviors and manner for everyone in the home and what are the consequences if these boundaries are broken . Most important is that consequences are predictable and consistent and reflective of the boundaries that were disrespected .

When everyone knows the rules of the family , there ’ s a stronger sense of belonging .

Dealing with Concerns Without Fear of Rejection Strong and healthy stepfamilies take the time to talk about issues that arises rather than avoid conflict . When roles are understood and boundaries respected , it ’ s easier to talk about what ’ s bothering us without feeling afraid of judgement or rejection .

A good way to engage in guilt free conversations is to set up weekly family meetings . Take turns sharing concerns that have come up over the week , seek to understand what the other person is feeling or going through and let them know you ’ ve heard what they said . Ask the person if they ’ re seeking help with the problem or just wanted to share .

Being heard creates a strong sense of acceptance and belonging in a person . Strong and healthy stepfamilies strive to be inclusive of all family members , whether they live under the same roof or not .

CLAUDETTE CHENEVERY - Claudette Chenevert , aka The Stepmom Coach , works with women as they struggle to create a cohesive family life . As a speaker , author and stepfamily professional , Claudette mentors and guides stepmoms through the process of establishing a harmonious and thriving home life for their families . Her book , “ The Stepmom ’ s Book of Boundaries ,” is available on Amazon . Learn about her coaching practice and self-study program for stepmoms at www . StepmomCoach . com