5. Emotional Rationalizing
6. Should-ing
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5. Emotional Rationalizing
“ I feel this way so it must be true.” Assuming that our thoughts and / or feelings reflect the truth can lead to false conclusions. Acting on them can cause needless trouble.
Just because you feel angry at someone doesn’ t necessarily mean they have done something for you to be angry about. It’ s tempting, but not helpful, to explain your feelings away instead of feeling them:“ I shouldn’ t feel this way,” or“ This isn’ t a big deal.” or“ Look what she made me do.”
WISDOM & SELF-GROWTH
➡ Shift: Try instead:“ What if this feeling makes sense even if I don’ t like it?”
6. Should-ing
Your“ shoulds” are based on your own expectations or beliefs. Trying to impose them on someone else, even if you believe it’ s for their own good, is a form of manipulation. You hate it when someone does that to you, so why would you think anyone else might be OK with it?
Besides, it usually backfires. If you need someone to change to suit you, why do you want them in your life? Is it to give you the illusion of being in control or perhaps of being special? How do you think scolding yourself with unrealistic expectations is helpful?
➡ Shift:“ I should be over this by now.” Replace“ should” with“ could.” Ask:“ What would be the kindest next step here?”
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