that make boundary setting challenging . The biggest reason I have found is when we struggle with low self-esteem or self-worth issues , we may not feel that we have the right to ask others how to treat us . Also , if we are motivated to please people and want to avoid disappointing others at all costs , setting boundaries can sometimes feel impossible . When we believe that it is our job to nurture and care for everyone else in our lives except ourselves , we can lose touch with how we feel and what we need which is critical in the process of setting boundaries . And unfortunately , when we don ’ t set healthy boundaries , we often have more experiences where we feel disrespected , unappreciated , and unsupported , which reinforce our feelings of unworthiness and limit the peace and joy in our lives . Not feeling like we can set boundaries can also show up in our saying yes to things that we really want to say no to . Does any of that sound familiar ?
So how do we cultivate the courage to set healthy boundaries in our lives ?
As with all new adventures we need to make an intentional decision to begin and bring awareness to how we are currently setting boundaries .
• Start by making a list of how you wish to be treated by others .
• Then assess how you currently set boundaries to reinforce how you want to be treated .
• Reflect on whether you treat yourself the way you want to be treated and make a commitment to begin .
• Choose one boundary to support how you want to be treated and practice saying it aloud until you feel ready to set it with another person .
“ Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves , even when we risk disappointing others .”
– BRENE BROWN
• Start small and acknowledge yourself for valuing yourself enough to set a boundary and for cultivating the courage required to set it .
• Be consistent with the boundary you are setting .
• Remember this is about progress not perfection so focus on your growth .
When we recognize that we teach others how to treat us this awareness can inspire us to consistently set clear and healthy boundaries . Brene Brown writes that “ Clarity is kindness .” I love this powerful statement because it transforms my doubt about whether I should set a boundary by reminding me that I am being kind by doing so . My boundaries give other people an opportunity to know how I want to be treated and create space to deepen the relationship as we talk about it . Setting boundaries requires courage , vulnerability , and commitment to healthier relationships .
We receive a lot of information about people by how they respond to the boundaries we set . Some may accept our boundaries with ease while others may have more difficulty .
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HEALTH & WELLNESS