Aspire Magazine: Inspiration for a Woman's Soul.(TM) Oct/Nov 2018 Aspire Mag Full Issue | Page 63
I, once again, sat quietly on the edges,
never knowing how to wedge myself into
these fast-moving conversations or what
to say. As the night wore on, I often found
myself slipping into an exhausted brain fog,
which made it even harder to participate.
Most nights, what I really wanted was to
read a book alone, play a video game, or
just be with my husband.
When comparing myself to my extroverted
in-laws and classmates, I never seemed to
measure up. Why couldn’t I just loosen up
and go with the flow? Why did I never have
much to say when I was in a big group but
had plenty to talk about during a one-on-one?
Why was my idea of a good time so different
from what other people wanted to do?
I was broken. I had to be.
One Magic Word: Introvert
One afternoon, in the psychology/self-help
section of a used bookstore, I came across
a book called The Introvert Advantage by Dr.
Marti Olsen Laney. I bought it and read it
cover to cover. When I finished, I cried. I had
never felt so understood in my life.
INTROVERT. IT WAS A
MAGIC WORD, BECAUSE
IT EXPLAINED MANY
OF THE THINGS I HAD
STRUGGLED WITH MY EN-
TIRE LIFE—THINGS THAT
HAD MADE ME FEEL BAD
ABOUT MYSELF.
At age 22, I got married. My husband (now
ex-husband) was a confident, life-of-the-party
guy who could talk to anyone. His large family
was the same way. They loved spending time
together in a loud gaggle of kids, siblings,
and friends of the family. Often, they’d drop
by our small apartment, letting me know they
were coming only when they were already on
their way. They’d pass hours crammed into
the living room, telling stories, cracking jokes,
and volleying sarcastic remarks back and
forth with the professional finesse of Venus
and Serena Williams.
– Jenn Granneman
That beautiful book told me there was
a word for what I was: introvert. It was a
magic word, because it explained many of
the things I had struggled with my entire
life—things that had made me feel bad
about myself. Best of all, the word meant I
wasn’t alone. There were other people out
there like me. Other introverts.
Say what you will about labeling. That little
label changed my life.
I went on to read everything about
introversion I could get my hands on. I
joined Facebook groups for introverts and
poured over blogs. My friends got sick of me
constantly talking about introversion: “Did
you know it’s an introvert thing to need time
to think before responding?” I’d say, or, “I
can’t go out tonight, it’s introvert time.”
I couldn’t shut up about being an introvert. It
was like I had been reading the wrong script
my entire life, trying to play the role of the
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