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Communities are especially important sources of nourishment for kids, who thrive in knowing that everyone around them cares about them, not just their mom and dad.
Generations ago, no one needed to think about community. Friends and extended families lived in the same neighborhood for decades, so everyone knew everyone. Although I’ d never experienced this— and I imagine there was some claustrophobia involved, and at least an occasional wish that people weren’ t privy to all of your business— there’ s also something profound in knowing that your family has a place where it belongs. That there are people outside your immediate clan who cheer you during your triumphs and cherish you when times are tough. And who might treasure your child in a way that today is largely confined to his doting parents and grandparents.
Communities are especially important sources of nourishment for kids, who thrive in knowing that everyone around them cares about them, not just their mom and dad. When I was a child, my family used to go to a bungalow colony in upstate New York every summer. The same families came back year after year, so we got to be close. It was such a thrill when another kid’ s parent remembered what I liked to eat for lunch or what group games I enjoyed playing. And when I fell off a monkey bar and broke my arm one wretched July day, I went to bed feeling awful but woke the next morning to a towering pile of gifts— compliments of all the families in the colony who’ d joined together to boost my mood. The kinship that naturally forms after years of living in the same place, working the same job, or attending the same religious organization is gone for many of us. But I have learned that, with a little effort, anyone can create meaningful community. Building such a tribe for your family involves more than surrounding yourself with a lot of people; you can be in a bustling city or a busy park and still feel alone. And it means going beyond the groups that most adults rely on for communal sustenance before we had kids( gym or yoga class buddies, 12- step meeting attendees, office pals), which may nurture us as individuals but don’ t do the same for our families.
Here are ways I’ ve made community happen for my family over the years, and that could be valuable for yours:
TAKE THE LEAD WITH YOUR NEIGHBORS.
When I moved into my home a decade ago, the first thing I did was design a flyer inviting families in two dozen nearby homes to come to our house on a Sunday afternoon for pizza and cake. Over the years, this group has continued to socialize at potlucks, pool parties, moms’ nights out, and sunset gatherings on someone’ s driveway or yard. At some point during each get-together, I call the kids from their impromptu games and the adults from the food and drink tables and encourage everyone to participate in
FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS
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