Aspire Magazine: Inspiration for a Woman's Soul.(TM) Dec19/Jan20 Aspire Mag FINAL | Page 61

Researchers in the emerging field of post- traumatic growth suggest the following five practices that predict a person’s success at bouncing forward: dealing with, healing from, and moving beyond any potentially traumatizing event into new strengths for coping, new learning, new possibilities for discovery and growth, deeper connections with people and community, and a deeper sense of meaning and purpose for living. 1 Accepting Reality Whatever has happened, it’s not fair. It never should have happened, but it did. The first step, of accepting what happened, draws on all the practices of mindful awareness and compassionate self-acceptance, both of the event and of our perceptions and reactions to the event. “I’m alive! I get to deal with this.” 2 Turning to Other People When you feel vulnerable, other people— in person, in memory, in imagination—can provide safe havens where you don’t have to keep it together or take care of anyone else. This gives you a respite until you can deploy the tools you have practiced using to return to your inner equilibrium and begin healing and dealing. People can also be resources, providing support in the form of encouragement, practical help, and safety nets. People can help you work around and work through whatever difficulty you’re facing for however long it takes. 3 Drawing on the Positive and Seeing Possibilities The direct, measurable outcome of practicing gratitude, kindness, compassion, love, joy, tranquility, and contentment is resilience: openness to the big picture and optimism about the future. The direct, measurable outcome of choosing to approach life’s challenges from a growth mindset — seeking to learn and trusting that you can learn — is resilience. “Maintain a positive outlook” and “See the glass half full rather than half empty” are not clichés. They are commonsense wisdom backed by science. 61 WHEN YOU FEEL VULNERABLE, OTHER PEOPLE— IN PERSON, IN MEMORY, IN IMAGINATION—CAN PROVIDE SAFE HAVENS WHERE YOU DON’T HAVE TO KEEP IT TOGETHER OR TAKE CARE OF ANYONE ELSE.